if this is what it's like to lose control --

[forgotten ★]

-- then i never want to regain my soul.

LAFAYETTE james clark.

It was a normal day -- out with Sel, buying supplies from the out door market. It was simply a normal London street he could walk without even looking, having been there so many times. The two talked, laughed, like a normal day. His eyes were creased from his wide smile, smudging the black diamond on his right eye slightly. The sky was slightly dark from the oncoming rain. If only he were superstitious and presumed it was bringing an omen.

Just as he was about to say something-- " Sel, would you look at tha- " Lafayette suddenly broke from his sentence. His gray-green eyes drifted, gazing at a passing figure in the crowd. He didn't blink, didn't move, simply stopped dead in his tracks. Lost in his thoughts, everything flooding back, Laffy stuffed the parcels he was holding into Sel's arms. " --e back... " he managed out between a snarl and gritting his teeth. The usually care free man, now obviously angry. He abruptly took off running through the crowd, dodging various people, and taking a mental note not to use his magic.

Oh how he chased that faint trace of his presence. That familiar image of wavy stark black hair, the musky smell of a circus, and a classy top hat. Lafayette's eyes narrowed as he skidded around a corner, recovering his bearings just in time to see a violet ribbon flutter to the ground at the end of the alley. Through ragged breathing, he managed to scream, " DELANO! " angrily and kick his metal-toed boot at the alley's back wall. " Fight me, you coward! "

Lafayette stood, breathing hard, his eyes glaring up at the middle of the brick wall. Never had he acted like this. He clenched his gloved hands, the leather squeaking in agony. His fingernails broke through the leather, blood dripping from his palms. " Stop toying with me with your magic, fool... " he hissed, usually happy face changing to dark and threatening. The violet ribbon still lay on the ground. The blonde man bent over, picking it up gingerly, as if an artifact, and examined it in his hand. ' Delano...! '

[♥Poneh♥]

---seline lenora kaden-------------

Seline shivered as a breath of cooler air brushed her bare skin and looked up at the darkening sky. "Idiot, why didn't you bring your shawl? You knew it looked like rain, and rain means colder temperatures!" The young woman scolded herself, trying to rub the goosebumps from her arms. Unsuccessful at warming herself, she began walking closer to Lafayette, eventually trying to sneak under his long brown warm coat. Her attempt stopped short when the taller man started to speak,

" Sel, would you look at tha- "

The young woman slipped out from under his coat as inconspicuously as possible and looked up at his beautiful grey-green eyes, her expression clouding with confusion when she realized he had frozen. Her lips parted to ask what was wrong, but before the words had a chance to come Lafayette had shoved his parcels into her arms, sending her stumbling back a step.

" --e back... "

Completely alarmed by the snarling tone of voice he had used, Sel froze, not quite knowing what to do. After a second, she regained her composure and darted after him, trying to swim through the crowd of people fast enough to keep sight of him. " Lafayette! Come back! " she cried, trying and failing to be heard over the noises of the street. " Excuse me, pardon me, sorry! " Sel breathlessly told the people she was shoving through, not taking her yellow-gold eyes off the disappearing back of her companion. A carriage suddenly hurtled in front of her, causing her to loose sight of Lafayette. When it passed, he was gone. " Damn it, where'd he go?! " Sel thought frantically, hurrying to the next street corner.

" DELANO! "

Lafayette's scream of anger made her jump, and she cautiously looked down the alley, her eyes immediately finding the man.

" Fight me, you coward! "

Seeing him, her silly lovable Lafy so different, so full of anger, terrified Sel. Slowly she inched down the alley, her slender body trembling and her breathing quickening. When she had gotten close enough to fully see him, to see the blood dripping from his hands and his dark expression, she inhaled sharply, taking a step back.

" Stop toying with me with your magic, fool... "

Her eyes widened in an expression of fear, confusion, and distress. Shaking, she slowly placed the parcels in her arms on the ground and drew in a wavering breath. " L-Lafayette...? " she stuttered softly, a few tears escaping her eyes. " Lafayette, what happened? "

[ALISHGAJWGLAKJWBG I FREAKING LOVE THIS THREAD.]

[forgotten ★]

--when you look into the mirror, do you see the truth?

LAFAYETTE james clark.

' L-Lafayette? '

That voice...he whipped around, dark brown leather coat fanning out behind him*. Tears slipped from her golden eyes, dripping down that precious face....that precious face? His eyes narrowed, those green-gray eyes that were usually light and cheerful.

' Lafayette, what happened ? '

This girl...' Oh, Seline...that's her name. ' He glared down at her, bangs falling over his face and shading his eyes slightly. " What happened? " Lafayette hissed in retort, a frown twisting that normally smiling face. It looked like a distorted picture when a smile was missing. Why did this girl show concern for him? He jerked farther away from her, stumbling somewhat, as if his other personality was saying ' don't bother her! ' -- Sel, the little piece of this sane world he has created.

" He is what's wrong. Delano. " The blonde man grabbed her hand, prying open her fingers and thrusting the violet ribbon into them. Averting his eyes to the ground, he closed her fingers back around the ribbon, and let his arms fall to his side. Blood was now smudged on Sel's hand, his hand still bleeding slightly. She just had to show up...if she wasn't here, he could use his magic and find that man.

He looked over her quickly. " To go after him...I can't very well take you with me, can I, love? " The word love didn't even sound right coming from his mouth at this moment. It was perverted, distorted -- not the cheerful greeting it usually was. " Nor can I do anything about him...especially when he's gone and disappeared...that man...! " Anger rose in his voice. Lafayette stumbled away from Seline once more, as he gently slid his hands through his hair, clutching his head as if it were about to break -- as if his mind were to break. He let his back fall against the slimy back alley wall and slid down it slowly.

' Calm down, Lafayette...just calm down... ' he told himself over and over. " God! " he snarled. " I'll kill him! I'll kill him, I'll kill him! He'll come after you, and Ettie, and all of the circus! He just wants to destroy everything around me because I wouldn't destroy it myself, like he wanted...! " Through ragged breathing and gritted teeth, Lafayette ranted and finally let go of his head. Instead, he just leaned over, head between his knees.

" Delano, you bastard! " Those words dripped like vile as he gripped his fists tight.

Who is the real Lafayette? Is it this man, hell-bent on revenge, or the chipper circus illusionist?

{ *coat porn. }

[♥Poneh♥]

[this may or may not be crap.]


---seline lenora kaden-------------

“ What happened? ”

The blonde man’s hiss triggered a mixture of alarming and defensive feelings, and her golden eyes narrowed slightly, abandoning her former tears for a stony, expressionless face. Seline watched him stumble away from her without any emotion, for she had locked them away deep within her head until she could no longer contain them.

” He is what’s wrong. Delano. “

Her lips parted, about to question who “Delano” was, but her intentions were interrupted when Lafayette grabbed her hand, pried her long slender fingers open, and stuffed a silk ribbon into them.

Sel’s eyes stayed locked onto his, her expression frozen, glancing down only after his gray-green eyes had fallen from hers and he had closed her hand around the ribbon. Her right eye twitched at the sight of his blood smeared upon her arm, evidence of her emotions threatening to break free. Sel inhaled slowly and looked back into his eyes, waiting for him to say more.

" To go after him...I can't very well take you with me, can I,
love? "

Seline winced at the harshness of “love”, a tear or two gathering at the corners of her eyes.

" Nor can I do anything about him...especially when he's gone and disappeared...that man...! "

Two tiny frown lines of concern appeared on her forehead as she watched him stumble away from her again, clutching his head. When he slid down the alley wall, she approached him slowly, taking one step at a time.

” God! “

Seline halted at the sound of his snarl, preparing to skitter away from him.

” I'll kill him! I'll kill him, I'll kill him! He'll come after you, and Ettie, and all of the circus! He just wants to destroy everything around me because I wouldn't destroy it myself, like he wanted...! “

“ Delano, you bastard! “

Her breath rate increased as she listened to the alien words that came from the man’s mouth. Her eyes narrowed into a glare, and when silence fell between the two people, Seline snapped. She stepped forward, pulled the blonde to his feet, and slapped him hard across the face; using almost every ounce of hand strength she possessed.

“Who are you and what the hell have you done with Lafayette?!”

The redhead snarled, fury breaking free from its prison.

“Since when is our darling, smiling, happy Lafy a rage-driven, blood-thirsty maniac?! And what is this nonsense about you or ‘Delano’ destroying the Cirque?!”

The fierce young lady demanded, her voice creeping higher in pitch and volume, cheeks flushed bright red from the intense heat of her anger. She flung the violet ribbon onto the grime-coated cobblestones, grinding it into the rocks with her boot until it was nothing more than a ragged, slimy, disgusting scrap of fabric.

“The hell about this Delano person, whoever he is! He’s gone, and there’s nothing you can do about it! Besides, I never want you to have to go near him ever again if this is what he turns you in-”

Her shrieking tirade was interrupted by a sudden coughing fit. Sel gulped down oxygen, trying to soothe her airway, but it only resulted in more coughing. Coughing turned into incessant hacking, and, desperately trying to breathe, the scarlet-haired girl stumbled over to the alley wall. She braced herself against the sooty bricks; her golden eyes squeezed shut from the force of coughing.

“Dammit Lafayette, I can’t breathe!”

She choked out in a panicky voice, covering her mouth with one, then both hands. Her chest convulsed, bringing on the next round of hacking, this one marginally worse than the last. When a particularly violent cough produced a splatter of liquid into her hands, she winced and yelped softly in pain, bringing her hands away from her mouth to investigate what she had coughed up. A small amount of thick black goo lay puddled in her palms, traces of her blood streaked through it.

Her face formed a perfect “What the hell?!” expression before falling to her knees, doubling over in agony and coughing up more of the blood-streaked bile. All color had fled from her cheeks, leaving her already pale skin as white and ghostly as a sheet, her entire body trembling uncontrollably. Throughout the whole ordeal, Seline could only form one legible thought in her brain…

Help me!

[/size]

[forgotten ★]

--when nothing is logical, nothing is right .

LAFAYETTE james clark.

Her hand gripped his bicep tightly, yanking him up in an instant. Lafayette could feel a bruise begin to form where she held him captive. He was about to grab her arm back, and God knows what do to her next, lost in his rage, but she removed her hand and...

Crack!

She backhanded him, right in the face. Now a bruise wasn't only forming on his arm, but now, right on his pretty little face. The slap mark burned red, though the knuckle prints faded within moments. Stunned, he simply stared, but her voice racked his mind.

“Who are you and what the hell have you done with Lafayette?!”

That terrible personality still clung on, and he replied sharply, " Ha! Do you really think that personality is real?! " His eyes held a crazy look, and the smile on his face was certainly not a happy one -- it was demented, twisted. This Lafayette was not the one Sel knew -- this Lafayette wanted revenge, and didn't care who he hurt in his path.

Her voice continued to rise as she raged. He blinked quickly, dark spots appearing in his line of vision. ' There's no way that slap could do t...his... '

Snap!

It was like a light switch was flipped off, and suddenly, that usual Lafayette had returned. For a moment, he was stunned, and wasn't quite sure why his cheek was hurting so bad. But as soon as his hearing returned to normal, he did realize this: ...Sel was yelling her guts out at him. He only caught the last bit, but, she was yelling, and it was most certainly directed at him, since they were he only ones in the alley. ' Alley?! How did we get in an alley..?! ' All this was confusing him.

" Sel, Sel! Please don't yell, love! "

A goofy grin crept across his face, consisting mostly of confusion. He waved his arms in front of him, suddenly realizing that blood was seeping from holes in his gloves -- but that wasn't his biggest concern. Especially when she suddenly doubled over in a coughing fit. " S-Sel?! " She knocked into the alley wall, and he only watched in fear -- what was happening? Why couldn't he remember?

“Dammit Lafayette, I can’t breathe!” was her raspy reply. She was convulsing, and coughing up black junk. Lafyette stepped towards her and grabbed her by the shoulders, staring into those pained golden eyes for a split second before examining what was happening to her. ' This definitely isn't medical...Sel doesn't get sick, anyways! ' Through his mind, he went through everything he could think of, but then...he felt a slight trace of magic. Lafayette furrowed his brows. ' Who...?! Why?! ' were the only two questions that went through his head.

" Seline! " he shrieked as she collapsed. It wasn't often that he used her full name. The man dropped to his knees with her, quickly pushing his black streaked bang from his face. ' It's no use! I have to use magic to help her...if I don't, she'll die! ' Lafayette had never wanted to tell her of magic -- especially his magic. What would she think of him? Would she think he was like the people who had been killing the audience members at the shows? Would she...hate him? ' I'll never know if she dies like this! ' he decided. Lafayette grabbed her by the shoulders once more, and forcing her to sit as straight as she could. He had to open the lungs as much as they would. Someone had used magic to tar up her breathing tract -- a dirty trick he hadn't seen in a while. Though, from somewhere, he remember that someone had taught him how to fix it...it hurt his head to try and remember though. And with his cheek already smarting, the worst of a bruise forming on his arm, and his best friend (/crush) drowning in tar, it wasn't the best time for memories.

" Sel...Sel...if you can still hear me...please don't hate me. " Lafayette managed out, his voice cracking. He just couldn't lose her. She was his everything. He wasn't sure if she was conscious enough to hear him, but he said it anyways. " I'm going to do something a bit scary, but please hold on just for a moment, love. " He gave her a smile coated with worry.

Lafayette held her up with one hand, grasping her gently by the shoulder. With the other, he placed his index finger on the middle of her rib cage, and slowly began to trace the line of her trachea. The man had his eyes closed, concentrating on the tar in her lungs. It was placed there by magic, and magic could get it out. It just took a terrible amount of patience. Once he knew he had it grasped, he dragged his finger up farther, bringing up the tar with it. Sel gagged as the tar tickled her windpipe. ' Please don't choke... ' he thought with much worry. Then, he formed a fist, moved his hand back, and let the tar rest once it was out of her throat and in her mouth. It was up to her to spit it out.

" Spit it out, then cough up any that's left... " he murmured in her ear, his breath blowing on the little red fly-away hairs. Pulling away, he opened those gray-green eyes and let his hands rest at his side. Unlike before, his eyes were now calm, only glazed over from the worry. But, he had done all the work he could do. It was up to her to cough it up.

[♥Poneh♥]

---seline lenora kaden-------------

” Seline! “
Lafayette’s shriek broke through her consciousness, and for a split second she felt relief from the fact that her best friend (/future lover) had returned. But that relief was quickly overcome with agony as the next wave of coughing hit her. Sel suddenly felt hands grasping her shoulders, forcing her to sit up. She whimpered in pain; wanting to curl back in on herself once more, for that brought a miniscule amount of comfort; but the hands kept her up.

” Sel...Sel...if you can still hear me...please don't hate me. “

Seline opened her eyes a crack, her vision was blurred, but she could see now that it was her Lafayette that had spoken. Hate him…? she repeated in her befuddled sluggish brain. Why would..? Sel wondered, her eyelids slipping shut.

” I'm going to do something a bit scary, but please hold on just for a moment, love. “

Her eyes opened again, vision still blurred, gazing in the general direction of his face with confusion, fear, and pain. Her body jolted violently as she coughed up more of the tar, and she had not the slightest idea how her goofy, light-hearted, physically weak Lafy could fix this. But, she thought hazily, There seems to be a whole other side to him that I don’t know about… Sel let her body go limp, trusting whatever the blonde man was going to do.

Her torso shuddered at the light touch of Lafayette’s finger, bringing on more coughing, which suddenly stopped a moment later. The plug of tar moved upwards slowly, completely blocking her trachea for a few seconds. Her eyes popped wide open, suddenly very aware of the tar. Unable to breathe at all, Sel started gagging violently until the man who was working so hard to save her formed a fist and moved his hand back, which brought the cursed substance up and out of her throat and into her mouth.

She gagged one last time, and shoved Lafayette to her side barely in time to vomit the tar; along with the contents of her stomach, onto the already disgusting alley street. The redhead vomited until her stomach was empty, which took a couple times. Then, utterly exhausted, she collapsed against the wall, her eyes closed. She lay there, inhaling and exhaling quickly, her body still shaking. After her breathing had returned to a somewhat normal rate, she opened her golden eyes and gazed at her hero, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand.

“Y-you saved me…” Sel murmured in an almost inaudible voice, weak and trembling from the ordeal. A single tear escaped and slithered down her cheek, leaving a glistening trail behind. She quickly wiped it away with the hand that wasn’t smeared with vomit and blood, and glanced at the puddle of tar a few feet away. “How did you-“ she began to ask, but then suddenly remembered what Lafy had said earlier. ”Please don’t hate me…”

Her gold eyes widened and darted back to Lafy’s face. He’s not just an illusionist… Seline thought with dawning realization. Her expression softened and she changed her question. ”W-what just happened to me?” She chose to ask instead, her voice faltering as she relived a moment of the terrifying experience, involuntarily shuddering.

[/size]

[derp. not nearly as good as yours, I'm sorry ;n;]

[forgotten ★]

--when nothing is logical, nothing is right .

LAFAYETTE james clark.

' Oh dear, oh dear, I can't do anything else for her... ' Laffy worried, looking away and shutting his eyes as her last meal came for another visit. At least the tar was up, that was for sure. He still couldn't fathom who had the skill -- or motive -- to do such a thing. When was the curse put on her? Why couldn't he tell who did it? And why was part of his day a complete black out? ' Don't tell me....I passed out from happiness when Sel cuddled against me...?! ' OH CRAP. Sweat had already begun to roll down his face. No, no, surely...that wasn't it, was it? Sel wouldn't have been fussing at him for passing out...would she?

“Y-you saved me…”

Lafayette, surprised at the weakness in her voice, snapped his face back to look at her. Quite frankly, she looked terrible, and the look in her eyes said she wasn't truly sure what just happened. Now Lafayette had to actually reveal the truth to her. An uneasy frown was settled upon his lips, and his palms were all sweaty and nasty. It wasn't pleasant in the least. " Um...y-yeah... " he managed to reply. Dark circles had begun to settle under his eyes, and of course, a giant black bruise on the side of his face. He hadn't used that amount of magic -- especially in medical uses -- in a long time. Who had taught him that treatment?

“How did you-“ Her voice brought him from his thoughts. That weak, now timid voice. His brows furrowed in worry of what was going through her mind. Lafayette simply stayed on his knees, his fists gripping the knee of his pants. ”W-what just happened to me?” ...how was he to answer this?

" Well...ah...how do I put this? " Lafayette laughed uneasily, scratching the back of his head. " Umm...well, love...someone seems to have cursed you and... " Honestly, he was just beating around the bush. He wanted to try and cover it up somehow, but it just wouldn't work. " ...and I-I fixed it? "

Okay, forget it. This wasn't working.

" I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm a magician! Black magic! All of that! I've been doing it since I was young, and never told you! " Lafayette burst out, averting his eyes and putting his head down. He felt terrible. " Really, really, really sorry, Seline! You were choking on that -- a-and there was no other way! It's alright if you're scared, if you don't want to talk to me again...! I don't expect you to be alright with it.... " The blonde man grew quiet. He dared to glance up and meet her confused golden eyes.

" I don't know why you slapped me, or remember that you actually did, even though this bruise tells me you did...but you can do it again, if you want to. " Then, he noticed something. " Ah! Blood! There's blood on your hand! And not from when you were coughing! Where did it come from?! "

It was true -- he didn't remember anything at all.

[♥Poneh♥]

” Well...ah...how do I put this? “ Sel watched him expectantly, internally sighing in relief at his laughter; even if it was uneasy, it was laughter. Normal Lafy laughed; scary, insane, bloodthirsty Lafy didn’t. “Umm...well, love...someone seems to have cursed you and...” She inhaled sharply, the word ‘curse’ sending a bolt of fear through her heart. Who and why would someone curse her…? She wondered, golden eyes wide. ...and I-I fixed it? Sel raised a slim eyebrow, her rapid heartbeat slowing. Her lips parted to say something, but whatever words that nearly came out of her mouth were run over by Lafayette’s sudden burst.
” I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm a magician! Black magic! All of that! I've been doing it since I was young, and never told you!” Her other eyebrow went up to join its twin, and she could do nothing more than just sit there and stare. ” Really, really, really sorry, Seline! You were choking on that -- a-and there was no other way! It's alright if you're scared, if you don't want to talk to me again...! I don't expect you to be alright with it....” She turned her gaze towards her lap, sorting through her scrambled thoughts, then looked into his eyes without fear or anger. Sel longed to throw her arms around his neck and tell him that she forgave him, to thank him repeatedly for saving her life, and to tell him that everything would be alright, but Lafayette threw a hitch in her thoughts by what he said next. ” I don't know why you slapped me, or remember that you actually did, even though this bruise tells me you did...but you can do it again, if you want to.” confusion flooded her mind, and she sat there befuzzled. He doesn’t remember anything? …Nothing at all…? Panic flashed across her face for a second as she suddenly had no clue what to tell him. She was terrified that if she mentioned that “Delano” person, the horrible side of Lafy would return. But if she chose to lie to him, what would she say? And what if he could tell if she was lying? Seline very rarely lied, and she couldn’t remember if she was bad at it or not.

” U-um…” she stammered, avoiding his gaze. ”Y-you were f-freaking out about something a-a-and I couldn’t get you to c-calm down… So… I, uh, I slapped you. And normal you came back, and so everything is fine and dandy now.” Sel spoke the last sentence very quickly, like the words were hot coals in her mouth. Not giving him a chance to reply, she cast her arms around his shoulders, burying her face in his chest. ”Thank you…” she whispered, her voice muffled.

[forgotten ★]

And this was the reaction he wasn't wanting. Seline fell quiet as she soaked it all in. She looked confused and relieved all at the same time, and Lafayette wasn't sure whether to speak, or just let her take it all in. He tried to think of words to say to this beautiful girl he'd known for years, but really, the only thing he was thinking was how much he thanked God she was alive. He worried about who was possibly out to get her, why they did this, and how she'd react to him being a magician, but deep inside, all he cared about was that she was breathing.

” U-um…” Laffy's green eyes lifted. As she explained what had happened (very vaguely at that), it just made his head hurt, and his mind confused. 'Why? Why can't I remember?' He let out a long sigh, briefly closing his eyes to think. But just as he did, he heard Sel move, and then, her warm arms wrapped around his shoulders. Surprised, he recoiled a bit, but didn't have much choice than to let her hug him. She nudged her face into his chest and he heard a quiet 'Thank you...'

His expression softened, and the embarrassed blush on his face was fading just as quickly as it came. Lafayette curled his arms around her and nestled his head over hers. " What? Don't thank me. I should be the one thanking you, for snapping me back to reality, or whatever happened." You know what? It didn't matter anymore. If he couldn't remember it, then there must be a good reason, and he wasn't going to pry anymore into it, unless Sel was comfortable telling him. There was one thing that worried him about it, though.

"Sel...it I'm starting to forget things again, just like I forgot my childhood, there's just one thing I want to hold onto..." He paused, squeezing his eyes shut and clutching his fists gently to her back. "...and that's you. Forgetting you...forgetting Melange...it scares me the most. Please don't leave this perfect little world I've created. Please." It sounded a bit selfish, now that he thought about it, but he hoped she understood what he meant. He always wanted her in his life because she was one of the few things that kept him sane. He always wanted Melange because it was one of the few things that give him purpose. He needed this little perfect world that he tried to keep all of Melange in, protecting them from the evils of the London streets (and so far, he wasn't doing a very good job). Lafayette wanted a reason to live, and Sel and Melange gave him that.

After holding her for what seemed like a lifetime, a lifetime he never wanted to end, he pulled back. Lafayette held her by the shoulders, staring into those gorgeous eyes of hers. He forced a smile, if only to reassure her. "We'll be alright. If someone's out to get you, the cirque, anyone, I'll protect you. There's nothing I've ever wanted to keep safe in my life except for now, and I don't intend to let it go that easily." He chuckled, a flicker of a real smile appearing on his face. His black bang had fallen over his eye, and the diamond on his right eye was smeared. Dark circles made his eyes look like a raccoon's, and the bruise on his cheek made him look like a raccoon that had been in a bar fight.

He leaned forward suddenly, gently pulling Sel closer to him. Lafayette closed his eyes and pecked her on the head softly. But, as expected, like a little boy in love for the first time, he pulled back quickly. His face was now bathed in pink, but he was smiling that happy, slightly mischievous, but always caring smile. But, his eyes began to droop closed, his hands slowly slid from Sel's shoulders. "We should probably...get..ba..." He yawned widely, swayed a bit, and then...thud, he collapsed onto the (gross) street. His side raised and lowered with slow breathing. Using so much medical magic and suddenly switching to his other personality had exhausted him -- mentally and physically.

{{ ooc: UH ROFL I GUESS SHE CAN DRAG HIM BACK. Or Sel can wake him up enough for them to get back. xDD